This I Believe

The apple falls far from this tree

Kaylee Lentz, 22, studies journalism at EMU.

I’d like to say my parents divorced as quickly as they fell for each other.  But I cannot. It was a long and grueling routine of court dates and private meetings with lawyers over backed child support and custody of my sister and me.

At the time, I was partial to my dad. I was sad to see him go.  I thought he was the strongest man on Earth, and he always the life of the party. Most of all, he was my playmate.

My mom was level headed, focused and driven—qualities that I was too young to notice or really care about. I was only 8 at the time.

I won’t go into every little detail why they divorced—its ancient history now anyways. But I will say that they had colossal differences, and after 10 years of marriage they couldn’t see eye to eye anymore. I guess when two people refuse to change for the better, regardless of stubbornness or scares, it won’t last.

Anyway, I thought the divorce would finally put an end to all their fighting, but ultimately, it brought out sides of my parents that I thought only monsters had. I got so used to hearing the bad things about each one of them that I grew up with a little part inside feeling doomed. I was certain that if I didn’t turn out like my mom, I’d turn out like my dad. Honestly, I didn’t want to turn out like either one of them.

I was looking at it the wrong way, though. I realized this from my aunt when she told me about her parents’ divorce one day. I swear our talk has stuck more than anything ever has.

What she told me was, don’t be ashamed or scared of your parents’ shortcomings; learn from them. Make your life just the way you want it to be. You have the power to do that, regardless of how you were raised, which parent you like more, or who you spend more time with. No one is destined to turn out just like their parents. Instead, mimic the admirable traits and leave the rest.  

She continued, whenever you’re ready to accept your parents for the humans they are, your own maturity, strength and intelligence will begin to guide you through womanhood, and good personal life choices will begin.

I believed that advice then and I still believe it. I have gained the strength to be my own person for the better and I’m no longer scared of starting my own family. Good and bad, I have a little of my dad and a little of my mom in me. Mostly, I’m myself, which is what they would want anyway.